I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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