I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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