I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
