i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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