then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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