There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
