So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
