I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
