so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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