you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
