I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
