Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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