Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wish my penis had a tongue
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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