why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
