This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
