dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
