Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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