K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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