tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
