kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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