Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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