I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
