No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
