im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
