my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
