I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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