so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Boobs are out for the taking
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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