dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
