someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Acid is not a monday night drug
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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