I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
