Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
