10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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