Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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