saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
