I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
