her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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