Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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