Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
