it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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