I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
