so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
