i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
