I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Success! We fucked roommates!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
