dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
