I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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