hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
