did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
