Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
