Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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