You can't motorboat a personality
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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